I was a director of after school programs in LA working mostly with kids and their families in the inner city. I loved my job. In addition to directing the program, I taught jazz dance, music and coached ball games. Daily, I was on my feet, running constantly and would come home every night in so much pain all I could do was go to bed and pass out from the exhaustion from working in so much pain. No one ever knew. Only my close friends had some idea of the pain I was in but it’s hard for them to be truly understanding without an actual diagnosis. Unless you have lived with this kind chronic debilitating pain, it’s difficult to understand trying to carry on a normal life with it.  The pain is so loud it becomes all you hear from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed.

Eventually I had to resign which led to losing my apartment and driving around in LA with all my belongings in my car. After 3 months of working temp jobs in that situation, I was truly at a loss as to what to do. I have always been very resilient and a source of strength and guidance for others but this beat me. I called a good friend in Texas thinking she might have an answer for me but instead she asked me one simple question. "If you could do anything at all, go anywhere, sky's the limit, what would you do?" I had to really stop and think. With all my dreams of doing music, finding a husband who truly loves me.. and using my life to make a difference in the world, none of them came to mind because how can you do any of that in so much pain? So my answer was simple. I would go somewhere where people loved me so I could heal. Well, that is what brought me to Texas in December 2008 and I’ve been here ever since.  I have lived here with the pain and still had absolutely no idea why I couldn’t walk more then a half a block without that sever pain and limping.

Then this past Christmas my car broke down and I was forced to walk the three blocks into town for my mail, grocery’s etc. I could not manage the pain. I would get home and fall into bed in tears and exhaustion. My good friend in San Francisco told me I was crazy and I should go to the emergency room.  Instead I went to my regular doctor and told her I was checking into getting medicaid. Silly me, I actually thought there might be a chance of getting medicaid. My doctor took my word and they didn’t charge me that day for the x-rays. That night I found out... cysts in my acetebelum and bone on bone in my right hip. I was shocked to find out that all this time it was my hip. I could have had help when I was fully insured. Now I had no insurance, no money, no work and a very low supply of hope. I researched day and night. A THR was not acceptable even if I did have the money to get it. The promise of never running, dancing, playing softball, etc. was out of the question. I started looking into doctors from India per another friends suggestion and thats when I found the DAST website . I filled out the application and three weeks later, I was the 6th candidate. I can not believe this is really happening. I can't even imagine a life without pain and full of movement anymore. It's been so long. I’m still awaiting my exact surgery date but Dr. Gross’s assistant Lee says it should be sometime in June. Words really cannot do justice for the gratitude I feel in my heart. I can have my life back and I will dance again.

Thank you so much Vicky, Dr. Gross, and DAST International .  

Juliana Sabina

Juliana is scheduled for surgery on August 4, 2010 with Dr. Gross

Update onSeptember 25, 2011

I just got home from shopping at my local grocery store. When I first got there, I turned down the cosmetics isle which is also situated right next to the pharmacy. Smack dab in the middle of this isle was a box full of canes... and no, not the candy kind.  Seeing those canes, I was once again caught up and engulfed in a sea of gratefulness. I still marvel that I no longer dread any kind of store shopping. It was not 6 months ago that I looked at another set of canes, knowing I desperately needed to use one but absolutely refused to. I instead chose to use crutches because I could hope, that at a casual glance, a passerby would perhaps think I had some knee injury I got playing racquetball or another fantabulous sport that I haven’t been able to play for years.  However, I not only could not play any sport for years but just a walk in a grocery store had me leaning my full weight on the cart and reeling with pain by the time I got home.  Of course all the while sporting a smile big and bright gritting through the pain. No one could ever know. Walking my dog was out of the question. Walking with friends was also out.  If it was a block away, I drove.

My surgery was June 1, 2011. Today, I am 3 months post op and I walk my dog 3 times a day.  There is now no pain in the grocery store. Shopping is intriguing again. I am still recovering. It will be quite a few more months until I can play a good game of softball and perhaps a few more until I can give the ole racquetball a try but today I am pain free and regaining the life that I haven’t had for about 5 years.  I can not even express how thankful I am to Vicky, DAST International,  Dr. Gross, Nancy, Lee Webb and everyone else who touched my life and made my healing a reality.

I never want to forget the years of pain I lived through. I want to use that pain and my healing miracle to somehow pay it forward. To show kindness to the man or woman in the grocery store who, I know, because I know, is experiencing that kind of chronic pain.  You all have made me a better person... outside and in and no thanks is large enough to somehow convey that.  May God Bless every one of you perpetually. :)

 Juliana Sabina